Borderline Personality Disorder

Why would she say these things if they weren't true?

Mandy was diagnosed before we ever met with Borderline Personality Disorder (as was Jennifer). This may account for the accusations. Here's proof. This is Mandy explaining the diagnosis to me after talking to one of her therapists in 2010:

Here is the Mayo Clinic's list of signs and symptoms talking about how BPD manifests in relationships:

Symptoms  

Borderline personality disorder affects how you feel about yourself, how you relate to others and how you behave. 

Signs and symptoms may include:

• An intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection

• A pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn't care enough or is cruel

• Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image that include shifting goals and values, and seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist at all

• Periods of stress-related paranoia and loss of contact with reality, lasting from a few minutes to a few hours

• Impulsive and risky behavior, such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating or drug abuse, or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship

• Suicidal threats or behavior or self-injury, often in response to fear of separation or rejection

• Wide mood swings lasting from a few hours to a few days, which can include intense happiness, irritability, shame or anxiety

• Ongoing feelings of emptiness

• Inappropriate, intense anger, such as frequently losing your temper, being sarcastic or bitter, or having physical fights

A lot of people in the game community that spread the accusations don't trust clinical diagnosis or language, so here is some description of how this goes from people who suffer from BPD:

I Got A Public Apology--And Cash

A lot of gamers joined Mandy's harassment campaign because they believed I somehow deserved to be libeled--largely due to Fox News-style conspiracy theories spread and/or invented by RPG conspiracy theorist Paul Matijevic aka Ettin. So when it comes to seeking accountability for the harassment, he seemed like a good place to start.

Ettin has a long history of stirring up hatemobs against game designers on twitter and on forums where he's acted as moderator (Something Awful and RPGnet), so I did what Dungeons & Dragons should've done in 2014 and what White Wolf Publishing should have done in 2017: I sued Ettin for defamation.

Paul has been in contact with Mandy. This week he admitted the claims weren't true and wrote me a check, he's posted it in several places:

Obviously gamers continuing to spread this shit is exhausting and stupid. If you can help by fact-checking people spreading bullshit in gamer circles: thanks.

On the Harassment of Mike Mearls

While I understand many gamers still feel virtuous and justified about harassing me, I have to straighten some things out about the collateral damage spreading through the gaming community.

Basically, in a nutshell, here is the attack being circulated by conspiracy theorists about senior D&D head Mike Mearls:

The conspiracy theory was begun by people on the Something Awful /tg forum. The theory refers to events back after the release of the fifth edition of D&D in 2014.

Here's what happened with Mike and I. In order:

-Mike and I were casual internet acquaintances. He said he liked my blog.

-Soon after the development of a 5th Edition of D&D was announced, he contacted me about being a paid consultant. This was probably the longest conversation we ever had.

-I read drafts and exchanged long emails with Mike about the new editions' players' handbook drafts and got paid to do it.

-I never playtested the game. That was not in my contract and I had no special reason to stop my weekly campaign to try a different game --and I wasn't in love with what I was seeing at the time.

(-I liked the final product much better. If anyone cares, I can't be sure of my influence on the game. Either they took some of my suggestions or other people had the same suggestions I did.)

-After it was released, the same conspiracy theorists who'd been harassing me and the D&D With Porn Stars/ I Hit It With My Axe women for years about appearing in Maxim in 2011 started harassing us again. They started on twitter, in public posts. These were not new names to us since they'd been harassing us for three years.

-I knew that D&D was going to have to have some sort of official response and probably an investigation so, unprompted, I gave Mike all the information on all the trolls and conspiracy theorists involved that I knew about at the time and said I was happy to cooperate with any investigation of my alleged badness the company might have to do.

-Mike replied that he had gotten lots of emails but none of them pointed to me doing anything bad at all. It seemed in many cases people were linking to blog posts of mine fed to them by Something Awful "friends" they themselves hadn't actually read. (This is exactly what happens any time any company investigates me: they asked for complaints, got lots, they turn out to be bs.)

-Note, none of these emails full of allegedly damning details have surfaced despite the folks involved still being around right now and still active in the scene and on RPG twitter as we speak.

-Important to emphasize: the complaints about me were all about internet stuff and all in response to recorded interactions so there's no question of Mike "believing" or "not believing" anyone. Presumably after asking, Mike was forwarded links, they didn't link to anything incriminating, just the usual: gamers harassing each other and me telling them not to.

-The names Mike used with me were ones I'd already brought up in the conversation (they had been publicly attacking me all over twitter and Something Awful for years.) Mike did not share any of their information with me. He merely said I think people like (Something Awful troll A that you already brought up) is encouraging people like (other trolls b and c that you already brought up).

-If a screenshot floating around with the accusation: look at it. It doesn't show Mike forwarding emails to me or anyone. It has us talking about well-established harassers Tracy Hurley and (the woman now called) Olivia Hill. Again: they'd been publicly harassing me since 2011.

-Mike gave me no instructions or inside info of any kind other than "be nice to people".

-Mike and I went on with our lives. I continued to do what I'd always done, including tell trolls not to troll--which Something Awful spun as "Mike Mearls gave Zak information that he then used to attack people".

-Mike and I didn't meet or talk much until years later at Gen Con and that was pretty randomly.

-Nobody has ever produced whatever alleged terrible thing they sent to Mike (even blurred or redacted) and none of them even claimed I contacted them, so far as I know. So what I was supposed to have done with that "contact info" I don't know.

All of this is recorded because me and Mike only talked online, so if you doubt any of it, contact me for a link or screenshot. If anyone tells a story that contradicts this one: they haven't fact-checked their story and aren't a reliable source of information, they either aren't smart or aren't honest. (I know this is pointless but I have to say it: Ask them for sources.)

Me and Mandy's legal stuff is progressing after a long period of waiting around for the court system to make time for us, in the meantime please stop smearing Mike.

-Z

p.s. If you really want to get into the Holiday spirit, maybe stop harassing anyone anyone you think did something wrong connected to this bullshit until the legal action is over and you know more than you do now.
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Caroline Pierce's Statement

If called as a witness in any action, I could and would testify competently, under oath, from my own personal knowledge, to each and all of the following facts, except for those facts that I have stated under information and belief and those that I believe to be true. 

• I use the name "Caroline Pierce" as my entertainment name.
• I first met Zak Smith aka Zak Sabbath ("Zak") on the set of a movie in 2006 and first met his then girlfriend (Mandy's real name redacted) aka Mandy Morbid ("Mandy") on the set of a movie in 2007. 
• We have been friends since they got married here in Las Vegas. 
• I have observed Zak and Mandy as a couple at work, at leisure, in private and in public. Being from out of town, I didn't see them often but we'd see each other when I was in LA or they were in Vegas.
• I used to drive Mandy around on errands and to doctor appointments when I was in Los Angeles when I had a free day to do so. I have spent time alone with her, in which she never spoke of anything negative happening in her relationship with Zak.
• I have spent time alone with Zak. I stayed over at their apartment on a Los Angeles work trip, during a time when Mandy was in Canada visiting her family. I have never once even remotely felt uncomfortable being alone around Zak. I have never witness Zak mistreating or being abusive towards a woman.
• I did not witness any signs of abuse or manipulation between them. What I saw were two people incredibly well matched for each other. The Mandy I knew was in control of her own thought and own actions. She has a very strong personality. 
• From my observation of their relationship, I am of the opinion that Mandy's needs were the priority in the relationship, be it medical/health needs or sexual, and that Zak wasn't begrudging about that in any way.  I saw respect and love.  The relationship I saw between them was very much about compatibility and their personalities fitting so well together. 
• I did not see Zak treat Mandy like a trophy wife as she claims, and I did not see Zak treat her as an owned object as she claims. 
• Mandy and I have had talks about not wanting children and how it was unfair that young women aren't usually able to make that medical choice and have tubal ligation.  Her accusation about pregnancy/abortion makes no sense in the context of the Mandy I knew because she would never have wanted to, or been able to, carry a baby anyway

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Another Witness, Another Statement

Elana Hill was our personal assistant at home during six of the ten years Mandy and I were together. She was there regularly from 2008 to 2011 and did odd jobs until 2013. Like every other witness, her story directly contradicts Mandy's in specific detail, and agrees in every way with all the other witness statements published here:

As the artist Zak Smith’s assistant, for the first year and a half, I did whatever was necessary to allow Zak more time to paint, write, and draw. I calculated his taxes, communicated with his gallery and bank, made travel arrangements, dictated his writings to aid in editing, organized his apartment, ran errands and prepared food. Since completing graduate school in 2011, I no longer work for Zak full time but I did side jobs and research projects for him when needed through 2013.  

In October 2008 I got to go to New York for the opening of Zak’s show “Midnight in the Empire”.  I stayed with friends in Prospect Park and when we arrived at Zak’s opening I met Jennifer outside.  She was rushing to try to change because she had some complicated story of missing her flight and being delayed.  I showed her to the back room of the gallery where I had stashed my purse and she changed as we chatted a little.  Jennifer was very excited about being at the opening and had come there by choice.  I had seen pictures of her before from the reference pictures Zak used to paint, where she was sitting, smoking, looking comfortable.  Nothing about her behavior suggested to me that she was being forced to be there or forced to have an ongoing friendship with Zak and Mandy. 

My time spent working in Zak and Mandy’s home gave me a candid and intimate perspective on their relationship. Zak spent countless hours trying to make sure Mandy was happy and comfortable, which she often responded to with apathetic behavior.  Because I was a part of the art world as well, and had friends in the Los Angeles area, I often invited Zak and Mandy to art openings which Zak would only attend if Mandy first approved.  As years went by and Mandy had more trouble standing and walking for long periods of time, Zak would only attend if Mandy wanted to go and I remember an occasion where Zak and I struggled (almost comically) loading Mandy’s extremely heavy electric wheelchair into the back of my Subaru Forester so we could go to openings in Culver City.  At that time Zak and Many lived in Little Armenia next to Hollywood.  Shortly after that Zak moved to an expensive loft in Downtown Los Angeles so Mandy had more mobility to get around in the wheelchair.   I use these examples to show I saw endless circumstances in which Zak did everything in his ability to be considerate of Mandy’s feelings and accommodate her needs.  As someone who was in their home daily for years, I observed their relationship more than most and I believe as someone who had a strictly professional relationship, I have a clear and unbiased impression of their life together.  I cared about Mandy’s comfort and feelings greatly as well because she often found reasons to try to attack Zak and complain that he didn’t do enough for her, like when she said she was hungry if he couldn’t guess the best dish she wanted from a take-out place she wouldn’t eat it and would complain to him about it until one of us got or made her something else.  This, I believe was done intentionally so she would have his attention instead of him focusing on work.  Zak is incredibly straight forward about his preferences to the point of being blunt, but he never forced Mandy to do things she didn’t want to do.  Zak was always very level-headed and extremely routine-oriented. He was a night-owl so he would often wake up in the early afternoon and work on paintings or writing until late at night. Despite his counter-culture visual appearance, Zak does not party or have an aggressive attitude. Zak is very intellectual and has an incredible work ethic, constantly listening to lectures and books or articles out loud while painting.  Mandy usually put on headphones and played video games until she needed something from Zak.  Zak completely took care of Mandy, paying all medical bills and rent as well as for food and household items. I know this because I was often responsible for checking the mail and writing checks for Zak to sign. I also helped prepare his taxes so I know he paid his and Mandy’s living expenses as well as travel costs.  Any money Mandy made herself went to wigs or toys or something only for her.  In my opinion Mandy was making decisions independently and constantly asking Zak to take care of all her needs.  Numerous times I witnessed Mandy suggest that she would like to act in a pornographic scene with another girl, explaining to Zak after the fact that she was in communication with the girl and informing which day Zak had to get them a taxi (Uber wasn’t around yet) to meet the girl Mandy had been talking to, or which day she was coming over.  I also know that if a girl was interested in Zak and asked to fuck him he would say “You have to talk to Mandy first.” And he would leave it at that.  The two times in 11 years of knowing Zak that we hung out at art openings without Mandy he never said a word about other girls in a judgmental or suggestive way and never tried to connect with or hit on women.  

Zak undeniably loved, respected and cared for Mandy.  Mandy choosing to attack Zak like this is appalling, which is why I am writing this. I am shocked and horrified by Mandy’s actions to destroy Zak’s reputation, social life and career.  Zak and I text when we get a chance and he was supposed to come to my wedding in Napa (where I now live) last April. At the last minute he said he couldn’t come and admitted after the wedding he was going through a hard time, which is when he finally told me about all of these terrible accusations led by Mandy and her desire to ruin Zak’s life.  I immediately offered to write a statement because I think it is scary and sad that such untrue rumors can be propagated and spread so quickly.  Mandy is taking advantage of the fact that Zak lived a fairly private life.  Private because he was always working so hard to support himself and Mandy, but their life was not private to me. I was there. Daily. Among other tasks I paid their bills, washed their clothes, met their friends, interacted with Zak's gallery. I saw their lives from the inside and the only abusive behavior I ever saw was by Mandy towards Zak.  As Zak worked tirelessly to support her, and cared for Mandy as she became more ill (mentally and physically) she often treated him like shit.

This is a copy of her legal declaration:

I'm Suing

On the morning of June 11, 2019 I had one of my lawyers file a defamation claim against Mandy with the Superior Court of Justice in Ottawa for her Facebook post (CV-19-00080461-0000 - Ottawa Cour Supérieure de Justice). What we say there matches what I've said all along: the various allegations in her Facebook post are false.

If you're wondering why it took so long, it was because I was making sure I tried everything else first to reverse the harassment campaign Mandy launched: I put out statements from witnesses and evidence disproving her claims, people familiar with the case took on the accusations all over the internet, Mandy's own family even sent letters to the companies that had sanctioned me saying that Mandy wasn't telling the truth, and the witnesses made themselves available to the public to be questioned. Especially within the game community, those responsible for spreading Mandy's false accusations ignored the evidence, actively took steps to cut off communication and refused to investigate. Litigation was the only effective option left.

Since there will likely be some response to this announcement on the internet, here's a note of legal advice: When Mandy's initial attack post came out in February, many folks (especially gamers) repeated her accusations--and piled on others. If anyone does that again now, months later, it only makes it easier to sue them for defamation than it already is.

Also, repeating easily-disproved statements that show you didn't do any research ("Zak is a trust fund baby"  etc.) likewise makes it easier to establish in court that you didn't make any good-faith attempt to check your facts before making a public attack.

-Zak

Kimberly Kane's Statement

I cannot attest to how Mandy’s feels about her relationship with Zak, I can only attest to what I saw and how I felt during the 7 years I was their close friend. Here are a few memories I have during my time with Zak and Mandy.

To give my story context, I have known Zak and Mandy for over a decade and spent 7 of those years seeing them almost every day. I played D&D with them and appeared on their internet series ‘I Hit It With My Axe.’ I traveled with them, I made movies, content and art about them/with them. When I was considering a new car I went with an SUV because it was easier to fit Mandy’s wheelchair in the back. When my little cousin needed a place to live when she moved to LA she rented a room from Zak and Mandy. I wrote an article entitled ‘Zak loves Mandy’ featured in Vice Magazine along with the photo of Mandy’s medical history tattooed on Zak’s arm.

Looking back at that time I can say they were high functioning codependents. Hanging out with them was like hanging out with twins. They were always together, they read the same books, played the same games and shared the same lovers. I was not one of their lovers, just saying that for context.

Zak can be an offensive person which makes him hard to defend. He’s pissed off a lot of people in the rpg world as I have now learned. He is also a textbook exhibitionist which can also throw off people who are used to social norms. I can say the same about Mandy, they complimented each other in many aspects and she was the matriarch of their world.

In 2009 I told Zak to break up with Mandy…

Zak had rented a limo for Mandy’s birthday and I was invited to come along for her big birthday excursions. Zak blindfolded Mandy and Jennifer so it would be a big reveal when the car pulled up at Disneyland. Jennifer and Mandy were dressed like fairy princesses and security almost didn’t let them in. Apparently adults can’t just show up in handmade fairy costumes. Zak talked to security and we were able to get into the park. We went on a bunch of rides and it was a really great birthday.

At the end of the night we all piled back into the limo and by this time Mandy was drunk. We were all chatting and Zak said something about the color of the limo. I’m not sure what Mandy thought he said but she punched him in the face. I was shocked because he just put all this effort into pulling together an awesome birthday party for her and she assaulted him. Even though this was completely out of the ordinary for her I was really upset.

The next day I called Zak and I told him he shouldn’t put up with that shit. 

Mandy never had health insurance. This was before the Affordable Care Act and no insurance company would touch her. Zak paid cash for doctors appointments, medication, ER visits and hospital stays. At one point when Mandy couldn’t get a serious treatment in the states Zak relocated with her to Canada so she could get the medical care she needed.

This is a breakup story. This is a complex decade long relationship tell-all crammed into one Facebook post and a blog update. It has gotten nasty, twisted and regrettable. Does Mandy have the right to reflect on her past with regret? Hell yes she does. Do we all wish we could change our narrative to suit the life we are trying leading now, to be redeemed? Yes, we do.

I will say this, I witnessed a relationship that had a lot of moving parts, lovers, friends, illness and codependency but not one of dark chronic abuse. I believe Zak and Mandy are two very complicated and highly intelligent individuals who were equally matched more than anyone I have ever met and I wish them both peace and health in their lives.

-Kimberly Kane

Kimberly backed this up with the signed legal statement in the previous entry.